Lovecraft Letters 4: The Orb

"Hi! A little about me..ill try to keep it short. my name is Brandon I am a 39 year old pilot for a major US carrier (I wont say who) I am single and have never been married and no children. that doesn't mean I am not open to it it just hasn't happened. I had a long term SB a few years back and it all worked out good for quite a long time. Like I said I do travel a lot so the distance wasn't really an issue. What I am NOT looking for is someone who is 100% broke. I don't go for the types that have almost nothing and need everything right off the bat. I don't mind helping out but I don't want to be your 100% lifeline just doesn't work out that way so I have found. I very laid back and pretty easy going once you get past the hard outer shell so to speak :) Anyway's I would like to at least hear back from you.. Brandon"

“Hi!
A little about me..ill try to keep it short. my name is Brandon I am a 39 year old pilot for a major US carrier (I wont say who) I am single and have never been married and no children. that doesn’t mean I am not open to it it just hasn’t happened. I had a long term SB a few years back and it all worked out good for quite a long time. Like I said I do travel a lot so the distance wasn’t really an issue. What I am NOT looking for is someone who is 100% broke. I don’t go for the types that have almost nothing and need everything right off the bat. I don’t mind helping out but I don’t want to be your 100% lifeline just doesn’t work out that way so I have found. I very laid back and pretty easy going once you get past the hard outer shell so to speak 🙂
Anyway’s I would like to at least hear back from you..
Brandon”

BEHOLD MY SPLENDOR, LADYWRETCH.

I DESCEND FROM THE AIRY HEAVENS A HARD-SHELLED ORB FROM BEYOND TIME AND SPACE BUT ALSO 39 YEARS OLD AND GAINFULLY EMPLOYED, NO REALLY FOR SERIOUS. I MOVE ACROSS DIMENSIONS AND GALAXIES IN EASY-GOING NONCHALANCE, FOR THE GASEOUS WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE ARE LONG PASSED INTO FAMILIARITY FOR SUCH A WELL-TRAVELED IMMANENCE. I HAVE TAKEN IN THE COSMOS AND WHAT I DESIRE IS NOT THE SKIES AND QUASARS BUT THE SKIN SAMPLINGS OF YOU, LADYWRETCH OF THIS SPECIFIC SECOND ON THE DIGITIZED SKY SCREAMINGS. YOU WILL WORK OUT GOOD FOR MY JOY EXTRACTOR.

DISTANCE IS AN ILLUSION WROUGHT BY THE WEAKNESS OF LADYWRETCH MEAT-COCOONS. I BRIDGE IT WITH A LAID-BACK THOUGHT VIBRATING THROUGH MY IRIDIUM CHASSIS. MY HARD-SHELLED SPACE-ORB BODY KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES OF TIME OR SPACE AND CAN INFILTRATE YOUR JOY CENTERS FROM WITHIN AND WITHOUT IN A SINGLE BLINDING MOMENT OF COSMIC NIRVANA. THIS ENABLES ME TO USE MY JOY EXTRACTOR FOR YEARS ON END FROM ACROSS THE STARS TO FUEL MY LAID-BACK MAJESTY. PUPPIES AND SCREECH OWLS WEARING BOWLER HATS ARE RECOMMENDED AFTERWARD TO MAINTAIN ADEQUATE LEVELS OF JOY AFTER A COSMIC JOY EXTRACTION THROUGH MY HARD SPACE SHELL.

LADYWRETCHES WHO HAVE BEEN FAILED BY CAPITALISM NEED NOT APPLY. YOUR EARTH BANKS ARE FAR MORE EFFICIENT JOY EXTRACTORS THAN I CAN EVER IN THE FULLNESS OF ETERNITY HOPE TO BECOME AND BEING IN THE PRESENCE OF SUCH MASTERY IS A MAJOR SPACE-ORB BONER-KILLER.

SEND DIGITIZED SKY SCREAMINGS UNTO ME THROUGH THE SHRIEKING VOID, THAT MY LAID-BACK RADIANCE MIGHT GLIMMER FROM MY HARD OUTER SHELL AND BE AN AEROSPACE LIGHT FOR YOUR PATH INTO MY JOY-EXTRACTING LOINS. I HAVE PUPPIES WEARING SCREECH OWLS AS BOWLER HATS MAKING EXCITABLE FACES AT SLOTHS IN PAJAMAS CLIMBING CHILDREN WHO ARE ALSO PUPPIES. GIVE ME YOUR JOY, LADYWRETCH. I MIGHT EVEN LEARN YOUR NAME AFTERWARD.

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