My social circle has been remarkably supportive of the traumas and challenges I’ve faced over the past year. A few of its members, however, haven’t yet grasped the nature of the rift that has emerged between me and my parents. They keep telling me to watch how viscerally I criticize them and to intersperse my rage with acknowledgement that the people who raised me are doing “the best they can” to wrap their heads around my situation. At their worst, they tell me not to “air the family’s dirty laundry,” failing to grasp that one of the foremost weapons against their particular secrecy-based abuse dynamic is the cleansing light of day.
Every time I hear those phrases, my mind flits back to the worst nightmare I ever had, in June 2015. This was around when my parents first started losing their minds over seeing my long hair and painted nails over webcam, and sent the first of an onslaught of Emails that stabbed directly at what I was going through. I was terrified that, in their bigotry, they would do something extreme. They threatened to cut off my financial support if I breathed too loudly in their direction; what “punishment” would they impose for joining what my culture regards as its most outré abomination? What would I face if I ever again put myself at their mercy by sleeping under their roof, as I did for two weeks every year?
Those are the fears they tell me to put aside when they plead for reconciliation.
Those are the fears I dreamed about that night.
Those are the fears I wept about that morning.
Content note for oneiric horror, kidnapping, and emotional trauma.
“My self-summary: Am a real black guy with a monster or huge dick when ever I get naked in front of my mom she says my dick is bigger than my dad and she says my dick si bigger like her hands if you rely wanna see it sure catch me up at skype my ID is assignon8 I’m really good at: I am really good at care of a woman it doesn’t matter how she is The six things I could never do without: Real love for a woman, Request of a woman, Real wetty sex”
“Hi! A little about me..ill try to keep it short. my name is Brandon I am a 39 year old pilot for a major US carrier (I wont say who) I am single and have never been married and no children. that doesn’t mean I am not open to it it just hasn’t happened. I had a long term SB a few years back and it all worked out good for quite a long time. Like I said I do travel a lot so the distance wasn’t really an issue. What I am NOT looking for is someone who is 100% broke. I don’t go for the types that have almost nothing and need everything right off the bat. I don’t mind helping out but I don’t want to be your 100% lifeline just doesn’t work out that way so I have found. I very laid back and pretty easy going once you get past the hard outer shell so to speak 🙂 Anyway’s I would like to at least hear back from you.. Brandon”
BEHOLD MY SPLENDOR, LADYWRETCH.
I DESCEND FROM THE AIRY HEAVENS A HARD-SHELLED ORB FROM BEYOND TIME AND SPACE BUT ALSO 39 YEARS OLD AND GAINFULLY EMPLOYED, NO REALLY FOR SERIOUS. I MOVE ACROSS DIMENSIONS AND GALAXIES IN EASY-GOING NONCHALANCE, FOR THE GASEOUS WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE ARE LONG PASSED INTO FAMILIARITY FOR SUCH A WELL-TRAVELED IMMANENCE. I HAVE TAKEN IN THE COSMOS AND WHAT I DESIRE IS NOT THE SKIES AND QUASARS BUT THE SKIN SAMPLINGS OF YOU, LADYWRETCH OF THIS SPECIFIC SECOND ON THE DIGITIZED SKY SCREAMINGS. YOU WILL WORK OUT GOOD FOR MY JOY EXTRACTOR.
Man: “Hello. I like your profile. Can we talk?” Woman: “no.” Man: “Not responding is much better than being rude, sweetie! ;)” Woman: “You’re right any woman saying no to something they aren’t into is completely rude.” Man: “Haha. Ok we both were misunderstood. Good luck. Peace.”
HOW DARE YOU NOT ASSENT TO MY NOISE CONGRESS? YOUR IMPOLITIC POSSESSION OF AN AUTONOMOUS MIND IS MOST INCONVENIENT FOR THE SEXBORG OF WHICH I AM BUT A SPIKY, INTRUSIVE TENDRIL.
Men. What are they even? So many of them are so, SO bad at sending OkCupid and similar missives that one wonders if they aren’t any of various Lovecraftian monsters pretending at typewritten humanity in order to seduce lovely victims.
In this ongoing project, I take examples of dating-profile ridiculousness and weave it into the all-caps messages such eldritch abominations might send. Our first example is a little too solicitous of a friend’s eyes.